Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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