Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
