I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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