dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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