i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
