you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
