I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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