do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
