we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
