I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
