i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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