what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
