I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
