i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
