I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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