I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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