haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
