can u get pink eye on your cock?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
