We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
