I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
