You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
