Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Randomize