ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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