i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
