mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
