Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
