no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
