they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
