My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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