I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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