Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
