I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just had sex on a roof
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
