my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This can only be settled by a dance off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
