Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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