Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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