If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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