I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
