ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
