The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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