No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
