the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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