im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
