so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
