i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
