yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
