dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
