is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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