maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
