It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize