I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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