He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
