After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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