I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
