tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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