i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
