my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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