cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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