He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
