Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
