don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize