WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize