im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
