i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
