i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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