you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize