my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
