My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
