Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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