is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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