When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
