you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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