Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
