She's JV to your varsity
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize