I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
