best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
