She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
