My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
