I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
