my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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