What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
