I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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