pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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