I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
