What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
