so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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